I hope that today’s title caught your attention. Don’t worry, dear readers, I’m not talking about committing suicide or anything. I know that I deal with depression now and then, but this isn’t one of those times. Instead, this is a wake up call to myself, and, honestly, this post is as much to the me of tomorrow as it is to you.
Today, I killed myself. It is far from the first time, and it will not be the last either. What I mean by that is that today, I am a different person than I was yesterday. I will be another person again tomorrow as well. I will kill myself again and again, ever changing, ever evolving, until I become the person I want to be, fully realized, true and real. Until that time, I will murder the me of yesterday every day as I strive to become that better thing.
Yesterday, I was a coward. Yesterday, I was slovenly. Yesterday, I hid myself from others. I was a thing, not a person, a creep, filled with desires and no drive to obtain them. Not a person, just a machine walking through each day in a haze of sleep, game, work. It wasn’t a life, it was an existence.
Today, today, my friends, myself of tomorrow, I am brave. I will face the dangers and uncertainty of life and laugh in the face of scorn. Today, I am clean. I will not abide myself to put off cleaning until the sink is full of rot and stink, or the trash has overflown into a second bag. Today, I will not hide, for I no longer fear rejection. Rejection is not something to be afraid of, it is simply a lesson in what not to do. Today, I am a human. I will fall, I will fail, but I will get up and try again. I’m not a machine, stuck in a single rut, but able to learn, adapt, and eventually, get it right.
I can learn anything if I put my mind to it. Today, I am learning Japanese. Tomorrow, perhaps I will learn the saxaphone, or how to program, or maybe what it feels like to swim in the ocean late at night. By learning, I will improve myself even further. By learning, I will continue to evolve. I will not stop learning.
Today, I killed myself that tomorrow I may truly live.
The Ranting Loon